100,000,000 Thoughts Per Day
2020 was an intense year. These 18 posts show the evolution of rage and depression into patient, sweet, powerful love still blessing me today.
Night Terrors Ever
Late last night I woke up to a movement and a bang. My heart flew up, hitting my chest as I fell down backwards. The bed has been skillfully balanced on a broken box spring for the last few months. The fear that awoke me milliseconds before, quickly dissipated as logic took over and connected…
No One Will Save You
I ran to the park, same as every morning. Then I laid down in the grass and started crying. Buzzing. So much buzzing filled my ears that all other sounds were immediately drowned out. “No one will save you,” said the source of the vibrations. The tears stopped with the buzzing. The sentiment filled me…
thrEEEs
Thank you birds, Thank you trees, Thank you flowers, Thank you bees. No more signs. Don’t come near me. Soon his demons too will fear me. Love so powerful, He’s weak. The attention that he seaks. He hits high. I go low. Dig at the roots and weeds can’t grow. img_0226 TODAY WE WENT TO…
Morning Would
We were supposed to be staying 6 feet away but we really wanted to touch each other. His back was sore so I put him between my legs and started rubbing his shoulders. I heard somebody calling a child behind me. Familiar voice and a familiar name. As soon as I realized who it was,…
LOOK and you will SEE
Look in these bright brown eyes, That we are gods is no disguise. Say what you want, Don’t compromise, Freedom is ours, I’m taking mine, Peace ✌🏿 Many things that people seem to comprehend as a state of being, I can only understand as actions. Love, freedom, and peace are just some examples. People say…
Fishing, Flooding, and F words
Fishing is so much fun. You sit. And wait. As food. Jumps from. The water. Into. Your. Lap. It blows my mind. If only everything could be that easy. Everything probably is that easy. Want it. Think about it. Then sit. And wait. As whatever the fuck you want. Jumps from. The water. Into. Your.…
Walk AL-ONE
We walked. The things we saw flew forward. A pretty pretty day. The best kind of board. In between, tracks loop and take us right back. Then I want to go home. Memories plague peace. So we fish, smell the flowers, manifest with all our powers. Cause it never, goes, away. It’s all good, if…
A Coward Dies 1,000 Deaths, A Soldier Dies But Once
How many times have you died today? Does it even hurt anymore? Are you addicted to the pain yet? Choosing the devil you know again and again, do you remember who you were before you started letting fear rule your free will? Does the presence of true pleasure and peace make you go mad? I…
Summer Love
I am trying to enjoy the moments and not let the fear and anxiety of what could happen in the future fuck up what is happening now. Right now, I am feeling fine. So feeling the light is easy. Requires no effort, comes and goes like breathing. I am still scarred. Right now, enjoying the…
Back Twerk
So many feelings did not amass to words this month. Been BACK TWEK since early July. It has come with noted changes in time and routine. So many things went from every day activities to unchecked items in the planner. I do miss running, yoga, playing piano, writing, talking with friends, fishing, endless time at…
Smell Like Shit
“Gloriously tall and loyal food giver, why oh why do you smell like a buffet when you come home to feed me everyday?” – Simba “Please stop licking me. Thank you. Well Simba, the melange of scents that I carry home begins from the sun. I love it, I am a lizard. Northern winters, more…
Yellow Moon
This morning, we stood between the darkness and the night. Above us, the lightening made a lantern with the clouds. Across the sky, the bright, full moon dunked yellow. As a friend crossed the circle to come and say, “Hello. Did you know, a yellow moon means go with the flow?” I said, “No, but…
They Fear Us Just The Same
Yesterday my work partner and I talked about food, health, acupuncture, exercise, school, and family. Today we talked about God. Both days were pretty great. I think we’re bonding. Boundaries were set, reiterated, and respected overall. Set: “I won’t hate you, we can agree to disagree. We can definitely listen to each other with the…
(Bi) Polar Express
You read the warning sign before boarding, “As the most amusing and painful ride in the park, the Bi-Polar Express will leave you feeling like you are concurrently experiencing the best and worst moments in your life. Board at your own…” before finishing the sentence the floor opens from under you. Naturally, you scream in…
Sugar Rots Teeth
Got me irritated, feeling like I’ve been invaded. Sugar how’d you get so cruel? Sugar sugar how’d you get so cruel? Sugar sugar how’d you get so cruel? Sugar sugar how’d you get so cruel? Sugar sugar how’d you get so cruel? Could it be from all the bullies, who caged you at the school?…
Not Your Toy
This is a man’s world. In it, my office is a Pooh Dat. The one place of peace from their eyes is still full of their shit. It smells so bad. How can their excrement be so foul? Why was someone eating Doritos in here? I was so annoyed, I let them get to me…
Day 10,000
A story for my cousin, Monica. She saves me from floating away every time the phone rings. Thank you for always having the perfect words at the perfect times, for always listening, and for always showering me and others with unconditional love. Your power is beyond inspirational. It is an honor to be related to…
Creators
To Lauren, thank you for being you. In their beginning, we made heaven and earth, nowhere near our first inception, and far from our most impressive. For all of time you and I have been the most amazing creations. Everything about you and I is beautiful. Draped in scales that shimmer in nameless colors, our…
ALways ONE never ALONE 