Author Archives: xandraj0hns0

How do you know when things are no longer serving you? I do so many things to stay sane. Everyday. (Most days). Some of the things I do to maintain feeling fine produce so much conflict in my heart. So much conflict that I wonder sometimes if it would be better to stop trying soContinue reading “DAY 1 – Affected”

Just had surgery on my eyes, Pain with sight intensifies, With the left, Comes the right, Addiction to fear, Pours in with light. Closed or open, You can’t see, Power not believed to be. Pedals open, See what lies, When you look into my eyes. 4 months since posting! I still don’t have much toContinue reading “Blossoms Popping”

My phone vibrates.  It’s a message from my favorite person, “sweet dreams my love,” it says. I read her text as I drift deeper into dreamland.  Simba fills the empty pillow to my right. He pops his grey lined chocolate nose out of his dog coil to make eye contact with me, “Simba is notContinue reading “Dickmatised”

Everything is always in a constant state of change. When life feels impossibly challenging, this thought gives me hope. When life feels endlessly positive, it gives me stillness in feeling so thankful. A year ago today (ish, that’s not how this holiday works but close) impossible challenges felt like the theme of my life. LastContinue reading “Lundi Gras Gratitudes”

Last night I was running around in dreamland, preparing for the floods as usual.  Dreamland usually looks the same, and has a similar chain of events occuring. I remember more and more of what happens every morning.  This morning I remembered sitting at a bus stop.  A shadow man with a black hat and crookedContinue reading “Tribe”

To Lauren, thank you for being you. In their beginning, we made heaven and earth, nowhere near our first inception, and far from our most impressive.  For all of time you and I have been the most amazing creations.  Everything about you and I is beautiful.  Draped in scales that shimmer in nameless colors, ourContinue reading “Creators”

A story for my cousin, Monica. She saves me from floating away every time the phone rings. Thank you for always having the perfect words at the perfect times, for always listening, and for always showering me and others with unconditional love.  Your power is beyond inspirational.  It is an honor to be related toContinue reading “Day 10,000”

This is a man’s world. In it, my office is a Pooh Dat. The one place of peace from their eyes is still full of their shit. It smells so bad. How can their excrement be so foul? Why was someone eating Doritos in here? I was so annoyed, I let them get to meContinue reading “Not Your Toy”

Got me irritated, feeling like I’ve been invaded. Sugar how’d you get so cruel? Sugar sugar how’d you get so cruel? Sugar sugar how’d you get so cruel? Sugar sugar how’d you get so cruel? Sugar sugar how’d you get so cruel? Could it be from all the bullies, who caged you at the school?Continue reading “Sugar Rots Teeth”

You read the warning sign before boarding, “As the most amusing and painful ride in the park, the Bi-Polar Express will leave you feeling like you are concurrently experiencing the best and worst moments in your life. Board at your own…” before finishing the sentence the floor opens from under you. Naturally, you scream inContinue reading “(Bi) Polar Express”