Everything is always in a constant state of change. When life feels impossibly challenging, this thought gives me hope. When life feels endlessly positive, it gives me stillness in feeling so thankful. A year ago today (ish, that’s not how this holiday works but close) impossible challenges felt like the theme of my life. Last Lundi Gras, I was dealing with recently being detained and tased by the police…twice, blackballed at work until I was laid off at the crest of a pandemic, stressed with a toxic relationship until I was fighting in the streets, and being harassed by the neighbor…and the police until I burnt down part of the neighbor’s fence and spent a few nights in jail.
Each time, my anger amplified due to my perceived lack of provocation, and yet I am no angel. Walking away when someone has awaken the beast is a skill that lives in my toolbox on my best days. However, I did not have many bearable days around then, let alone best ones. Everyone seemed to take the opportunity to kick me while I was down. Until I finally asked the right people for help.
When someone walks into a dark room and flicks on the light switch, they aren’t surprised that suddenly, they can see. That’s what happened. After feeling like I had tried everything and nothing was going to work, I asked the people who I loved the most for help. Describing to them how terrible I was and how much help I needed, led to them giving it to me.
Monica, Lydia, Anne, Lea, Chris, Mandy, Jehan, Alicia, and Brigitte paid for my lawyer when I had no job and couldn’t get one. Turns out, even with a pending felony on your record it is impossible to get a job! And lawyers are not cheap, let me tell you. James bailed me out of jail and held up my heart from close with Quita and Shruti. Heather, Eleanor, and Annie talked with me from other countries. Uncle Hodges gave me the loan to pay back my bail and a retainer for a lawyer that my friends put in to pay off. Mom supported along the ride with so much love. As did my dad. That is still so funny to say. My dad.
Your girl was struggling. 
We’re working with this healing magic. 
Clearing out what’s not needed, and finding so much room for better things
All to say, thank you!!! To all of you. The words “thank you” don’t give justice to how grateful I am to you. I think about you and feel so much love, from you and for you. It’s been an amazing year, 2020 was really good to me. Whenever I think about this bounce back, I’m filled with gratitude for you. Yes, for showing up how you did for me a year ago, but mostly for being the person that you are. I’m so proud to have such amazing friends and family. You flicked that switch on the wall when I was crying in the dark. You all look so great in the light. I wouldn’t be here, winning every day, rich off counting blessings, without you. Until our language evolves some more powerful words…thank you!!!
ALways ONE never ALONE 